The pain I hold inside
You will never know
The loss I feel within me
They will never understand
That my scars don’t even begin to show
I am at a loss…I am in despair
I am confused and all I can ask is ‘why me’?
The state of disillusionment is astonishing
The hollow, the emptiness, the regret
I hope and pray that it isn’t true
I hope against hope and pray for an answer
Will I ever recover; will I ever regain normalcy?
Wake me up for it is but a dream
A bad dream! A dream that should go away.
It all started like a joke or child’s play
I hear the floor creek
Closer and closer toward my bedroom door
I try to stay quiet hiding under the covers
Though I know he will find me.
I hope he doesn’t hear my heartbeat
Or hear me praying God will protect me tonight
But as I do I start to cry because I know
Tonight’s one of those nights
When God just doesn’t hear me
Who will hear me?
Who will save me?
Who will deliver me?!
I let out one more sob
And the door swings open
The hallway light shines in
But darkness radiates off him
So strong
So masculine
He has a smile on his face
…one of deceit.
Nothing will stop him
I can’t even defend myself
He gets on top of me holding me down
As I try to turn away
He pulls me back covering my mouth
I am too scared to breathe
I am in anguish, I am in pain.
A few weeks pass by
I hear him moaning my name
While stumbling around the house
Closer and closer he is walking toward me
Fear grips me like never before.
Now he is on my bed
And before he even touches me
I begin to cry as I wonder
Where is God tonight?
Rape Me No More…I beg of thee!
This time I fight back
I yell; I cry, I beg
But he has ways to shut me up
I do everything I can to loosen his grip
I faint; I give in; I give up
He’s hurting me so bad but will not let me go
NO!
He will not let me go
Not until he is finished.
He leaves me lying there
To think of what I have lost
“I’m sorry” is not enough
He doesn’t even realise what it has cost me.
What plunder! What pain!
Another few weeks pass by
The shame keeps getting worse
Too afraid to tell
Though it’s so hard to hide this pain
Day after day.
I must have been bad that night
I hear him coming closer as I’m lying on the floor
Lord I would do anything
If you would keep him from walking through that door.
But he does
Worse still, he comes with his friends
This time around,
To share the spoils of war
I finally realise I am all alone
No one to protect me
No one – who can save me…
So I lie back down to take it
But he throws me on the bed
And makes me relive my worst fears
When I just want to be dead.
They feast on me like coalitions on a prey
Not minding that this is a gang rape
Against my humanity
Against my sovereignty
Against my dignity
Against my beauty
These predators ravage me like tomorrow does not exist
I am become like a clanging cymbal
I wish I were dead.
What a shame!
I don’t want to kill myself
I just want to die
God, why have you abandoned me?
Can you not see the tears I cry?
Why the continued rape?
I will hurt myself later
After you have hurt me
This blood that stains the sheets
Tangled up on my bed
Reminds me of the words
The images you have put inside my head.
I can still feel you touching me, grabbing me
Forcing my body closer to yours
The feeling of your cold fingers all over me
I constantly try to wash away
From my scarred skin.
Since that first night
I live my life in fear
You are the reason I love too easily
Why I cannot love at all.
Because I trusted you
I can no longer trust.
The pain I hold inside
You will never know
They will never understand
That my scars don’t even begin to show…
Why have you been so cruel to me?
What have I done to deserve this?
Is it because of my natural endowment?
Is it a crime to be so beautiful?
Why have my natural resources become a snare to me?
Why is my geographical location a threat to you?
Is it because among the black race, I am the most populous?
Why is it so that which I possess is become a problem to me?
Is it a crime to be so blessed by God?
Was all of this not supposed to announce me to the world in good light
…and on a positive note?
Wars and rumours of war besiege me
Pain, penury, suffering befall me
Darkness, doom, gloom bewail me
I have become a shadow of my glorious self
I need help…Please help me!
For I am fast losing hope by the day.
I am fast losing my purpose
My desire for living is fast waning
I fear the insurgents
I dread the bandits
The terrorists are a menace
What more can I say about the ritual killers
The armed robbers claim ownership
All competing in a trajectory of negativity
I have been raped and I am being raped
What more can I say. What more can I do?
The elite push away the masses
Politicians in iconoclastic fashion condemn the populace
The economy is an apology
Life expectancy leaves no expectation in its wake
The leaders have failed
Not even worthy to be called rulers
They’re bereft of ideas!
They lack purpose!
Visionless they are, rather than being visionaries!
Wickedness they display and are a perfect example of man’s inhumanity to man.
With standard of living a lot is left to be desired
Unfulfilled dreams are the order of the day
Bloodletting is a norm rather than the exception
The people are hopeless
They have become IDPs in their own country
And the rape continues…
Days turn to weeks
Weeks to months
Months to years
Decades upon decades
The rape continues.
My economy is in shambles
Health facilities are a disgrace
Brain drain has drained me dry
The best of me is given out to the world
To fulfill unfilled dreams not attainable at home
While others shine – I fade away
Hunger ravages the land
Education is a mess
Plenty water, surrounded by water but no potable water for me
I have become the poverty capital of the world.
What happened to all my beauty?
And my natural resources?
What about the black gold?
Oloibiri and Ogoni Land in the Niger Delta must be shattered
Can you explain to me where all my riches and wealth are?
Whatever happened to the best of the brains in the land?
Am I not supposed to be one envied among the committee of Nations?
I need answers for I am in perpetual pain!
But I suppose these are questions that will continue to beg for answers.
Security of lives and property is a mirage never to be fulfilled
The worst of the land rule the land
A pathetic scenario plays out by the day
Women and children are dying like fowls
Young men and security agents are lynched by the minute
Religious bodies shy away from the truth
Our fathers of faith turn a blind eye
The traditional institutions have become an Inglourious body.
Electricity and power supply is to be achieved in another world
Food for the common man has become an uncommon phenomenon
Youths have become drug and substance users, peddlers and drug lords
The beauty of my girls is a public exhibition on the streets of harlotry
The unfortunate trend of Yahoo+ has eaten deep into the fabric of the future generations
Cultism has become the opium of young boys and girls – passed on by the elders
And in all of this, many still play religion and politricks.
Religious bigotry and tribal sentimentalism reign and rule in the midst.
Where then is the future?
The glory days have become history – a thing of the past. Many shout Ichabod!
They say government for the people – of the people – by the people
But I strongly doubt it, for the opposite is the case
I am lost!
I need help!
Who will save me from this quagmire?
Some days I welcome the frost in the mirror
too unbreakable to reflect crystal thoughts
Stones rattling for each word thrown in discarded arrogance
Barely skimming the surface as I casually toss them aside.
Some days I am on the run
A fake criminal with no record, only the sentence has already been given
Judge and jury lining up one by one
Ready to hurtle sugar coated undertones of narrative, silent accusations.
However far away I am sent
Through the raging underbelly of a swirling mist or banished to the darkest corners
I still exist
I am ready
I will survive
I am Nigeria!
I have survived!
My voice shall be heard again!
My economy shall be revived!
My beauty shall appear again!
My future shall be established!
My glory shall be restored!
For there is yet hope…
Rape Me No More…I beg of thee!
Synopsis: A Poem About Nigeria, a hitherto great nation which has become a shadow of her true self. A nation with lost glory, abused, continually raped, plundered of her vast resources and wealth; one which has become a laughing stock among the committee of nations. The poem portrays a nation in pains, in tears, begging, pleading for help – she laments her plight; yet, in the midst of all the hue and cry – she hasn’t lost hope. She encourages herself, that despite the ugly situation and ridicule; against all odds, she will rise and shine again.
God bless Nigeria!
