Happy International Women’s Day to all women!
What a perfect day to begin this column!
This year’s theme is ‘Accelerate Action’, beautiful theme for the current realities.
You have often heard that being a man is not a day’s job. Well, being a woman is even harder. The society throws so many things at women from when they are young girls, but women, being the strong(er) beings that they are, somehow pull through.
Yesterday, I was privileged to speak at an event organised by the ‘Young Girls in School Initiative’ for secondary school girls (aged between 11 – 17 years) on the’ power of media and technology in shaping the future of young girls’.
Part of what I shared with them is the use of online resources such as YouTube to learn anything they wanted (most times, for free) and get themselves empowered. I also encouraged them break the norm, and not be afraid to dream and achieve success.
These days, more and more women are becoming independent financially and otherwise. And women are raising their daughters to become independent women. Gone are those days when girls were limited to the background. The truth is that these days, women cannot stay in the background anymore.
The IWD charge for this year is for the world to quicken gender equality efforts so that certain barriers are broken down and outdated norms are challenged. We seek a future where women’s rights are universally recognised, there is equality for all, and all females are empowered. This is significant as this year marks the 30th anniversary of the Beijing Declaration, a resolution adopted by the UN to promulgate a set of principles concerning the equality of men and women.
However, whenever we talk about women’s rights, we cannot overlook the role and impact of family. As an advocate for women empowerment and impacting the next generation positively, I decided to make my passion for building homes and families a reality. In this regard, I sought professional training; now, I am a certified Marriage Counsellor and Family Coach.
In my recent interactions with some couples, I have discovered that one of the major crisis centres in many marriages and homes is the issue of money / finances.
I really don’t know where women got the idea that they should sit at home and a man will come and take care of them. Or even that their money belongs to them alone, while the husband’s money is for the family.
I am not saying women should begin to share equal responsibilities in the home. Not at all. However, for women to take their ‘seat at the table’ in society, there should be some level of responsibility and impact – starting with the home.
I hear someone whisper ‘but I do the cleaning, cooking and take care of the children. I am constantly stressed with household chores’. Who says a woman can’t be more – a lot more?
We might not be chairing Board meetings yet or overseeing large conglomerates, but in our own spheres of contact, we can make that impact – make our voices heard, put forward ideas that cause a change, find solutions to problems and actually bring ‘something’ to the table.
I really cringe when I hear married women saying they can’t take care of the parents or siblings because their husbands won’t allow them. I have even heard some women say their children can’t attend certain schools or make some level of progress because ‘the father will not give me the money’. This can only happen when the woman depends on her husband’s money for everything.
Picture this scenario. A girl sat for WAEC and cleared all her papers. She also passed UTME. However, she applied to a government University and there is a backlog of three years. So, although she is qualified to get admission, she has to wait for the backlog of other qualified students to be sorted. Meanwhile, she also qualifies to study in a private university but Daddy says he cannot afford it because he is the sole breadwinner.
Now, flip the table and imagine Mummy also earns some money and says to Daddy ‘I have some money. Let’s put it together and send this child to the private University so that she isn’t delayed’. We will be talking about giving that child a head start, making her graduate probably two years earlier, giving her the luxury of youth to either pursue a second degree or enter the employment market early.
The result? Required work experience, better opportunities for career growth, and ultimate independence and the circle continues. And what is the foundation for all these pluses? Simply, a woman having her own money!
Do you also know that studies have shown that children of underserved and unempowered women (not men) are more like to suffer from nutritional deficiencies? Why? A family’s nutrition – whether in rural or urban area – is actually determined by the mother (not the father).
There is a certain level of fulfilment in any woman when she can do things for herself without the help of anyone. There is nothing wrong in asking for help, but it pays when a woman can depend on herself first.
This is why I advocate that women must work and earn their own money. Be it a regular 9-5 job or a small-scale business, there must be some money you can call your own. It is even a good example for your children to see, as it shapes their perspective about life.
Go and check out most the motivated, supportive women you see around you; they watched their mothers do the same – and vice-versa. In her younger days, my mum was a fashion designer with an extremely thriving studio beside the house. My mum had customers from all over the country. She had many tailors and apprentices. In fact, the shop was always bubbly.
As if that wasn’t enough, she became a distributor of Guiness. So, I have memories of the Guiness lorry stopping in front of our bungalow in Satellite Town and the truck boys offloading crates of Guinness into our garage. Then, the retailers would come a few hours later and start buying crates of the products for their bars and shops.
It is therefore no surprise that I never really saw my Mum asking my Dad for food money. Nah! She would just drive to Iddo market then and come back with the car filled with all kinds of food stuff. The freezer was always full. The store was also full. Mind you, my parents were not exactly rich. Yes, we could afford good schools, lived in our own house, both parents had their own cars, but they were quite average. At least, compared to their peers. Yet, at an early age, I saw the little but important impact of my mum’s money in my family.
The world we live in now is filled with opportunists and users. People like to take advantage of those they feel are vulnerable. Once a woman especially seems vulnerable, especially as regards finances, men will definitely want to take advantage of her. The ‘Mrs’ etched on your forehead or the wedding ring that is stuck on your finger doesn’t move them. How much more when the woman is really needy and shows it?
Recently, I watched a video of a girl who was graduating and when asked where she sees herself in the next five years, her reply was ‘in my husband’s house, eating his money’!
Unfortunately, the world has moved past that. I don’t know where the men that are looking for women to ‘eat their money’ exist. Definitely, not in these climes.
So, getting empowered as a woman is not an option in today’s world. It is a necessity. Let us all accelerate action on this vital area and watch peace return to our families and beauty restored in our marriages.
