Mothers! I guess a good way to start today is to say ‘Happy Mother’s Day’!
Someone once said that “Motherhood is a choice you make everyday, to put someone else’s happiness and well-being ahead of your own…
Women go through a lot of pressure to be everything to everyone in this world. Mothers are always trying to make everything happen for people apart from themselves.
Just today, my 10-year-old daughter asked why I always serve my food last. I explained that I did that to ensure everyone was sorted first. That’s a very simple example of sacrifices mothers make.
But in the midst of caring for everyone else, many mothers forget to take time for themselves. Are you like that? I definitely am.
The truth is that being a woman comes with a lot of sacrifices. Don’t forget women were created to be helpmeets. People often perceive ‘helpmeet’ to be a person who is inferior or a subordinate; however, that was not God’s original plan. According to the Oxford Learner’s dictionary, a helpmeet is defined as a helpful partner, especially a wife. Note the word ‘partner’, meaning your helpmeet is technically one who is ‘even with or equal to’.
Most of us read the Bible in plain English, but the original Hebrew word for ‘help’ in Genesis 2:18 is ezer. This word is a combination of two roots – one means “to rescue” or “to save”, while the other means “to be strong.” God saw that it was not good for man to be alone and gave him a woman who had something the man didn’t have, something God thought the man needed – someone to rescue him, someone to be there as a support.
So, when this same woman chooses to become a mother, be sure that she has sacrificed so much – her body, her career, her goals and plans, her opportunities, in a nutshell, her life. Childbirth is no joke!
Why do the Yorubas greet new mothers with “Eku ewu omo” meaning “congratulations on surviving the dangers of childbirth”? Because childbirth can actually cost a woman her life. So, mothers should be celebrated.
And this is where self-care comes in. This is why mothers should indulge sometimes. Indulgence isn’t about excesses; it is about balance. It is for the reason I believe women, especially mothers, must find themselves again. Create time for yourself, Moms. Yes, we love our children, we love our families but sometimes, we need ‘me time’.
Taking time for yourself allows you to recharge, reduce stress, and ultimately, be a happier, more present mom. Studies show that self-care helps improve mental and physical health, preventing burnout and fatigue.
My honest advice? Take small steps. Enjoy your “me time”. This can be as simple as sipping your favourite coffee in peace, reading a book, or taking a leisurely walk; just create time for activities that bring you joy.
Be selfish if need be. Pamper yourself with a spa day, take a long bath, or buy yourself something nice. Small luxuries can make a big difference in how you feel.
Take advantage of opportunities to pursue your passions. Do you like painting, writing, dancing, gardening? Make time for hobbies that excite you.
One of the fun things I take advantage of is attending my secondary school reunions. I went to an all-girls school, so our hangouts are majorly just us girls. They are always so liberating because we get to gist, play and just feel like teenagers again.
Then never underestimate the power of resting. Prioritise your sleep, take naps as often as you need them and allow yourself to slow down without feeling guilty.
Some weeks ago, I had to attend a late evening event somewhere on the Island. I live at the other end of town, so a friend who also lived around my end of town mentioned that instead of travelling late after the event, we could book a hotel room near the event venue.
Happily, I sorted out my home and went for my event. We stayed till about 10pm when the event ended and took a seven-minute ride to our hotel room. For me, that was like the first time since I became a mom that I was away from my family for anything besides work! Every other time I am on vacation, I am with my children. So, you can imagine my excitement! In fact, the next morning, my friend said her sleep that night was the most refreshing she had had in a while. I totally agreed!
You know as mothers, we hardly sleep through the night. Even bathroom break usually involves us going round to check on the children in their rooms – are they sweating, are they hot, are they cold, does someone need to pee, does someone need to drink water, has someone rolled off the bed, has someone kicked the other sibling out of bed? Not mention checking to ensure nobody is running a temperature…and the list is almost endless.
So having a full night without having to do any of that was truly refreshing. As we checked out late the next morning, I promised I will definitely be indulging myself every once in a while. After all, moms are people too!
As we wrap up this month, I hope more mothers will be intentional about creating ‘me time’. Create these fun moments without your husbands and definitely, without your children. You deserve it.
And don’t even begin to guilt trip yourself into feeling selfish for thinking about yourself for once. You already spend your whole life thinking about others. You were wired that way! So, one day, one weekend to yourself periodically shouldn’t hurt anyone.
The truth is that you return to your Mommy duties refreshed and revamped for the next task. When you invest in yourself, you’re also investing in your family’s well-being because a rested and fulfilled mother is better equipped to care for others.
Remember, self-care isn’t a reward, it is a necessity. Remind yourself that your needs matter too, and by taking care of yourself, you’re teaching your children the importance of self-love and balance.
Let me close with these words from award-winning author, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: “Be a full person. Motherhood is a glorious gift, but do not define yourself solely by motherhood. Be a full person. Your child will benefit from that.”
