Tina Fey
We often don’t realize the silent signals we’re sending out about our self-worth.
These subtle actions or habits can be a clear indicator that we’re wrestling with low self-esteem, even if we’re not consciously aware of it.
In this piece, I’ll talk about the 10 things you might be doing that unintentionally broadcast your struggle with low self-esteem.
My aim? To help you recognize these patterns and take the first step towards building a stronger, more confident you.
So let’s dive in and uncover these unwitting habits together.
1) Over-apologizing
We all make mistakes. It’s part of being human. But if you find yourself constantly apologizing, even for things that aren’t your fault, it might be a sign you’re struggling with low self-esteem.
Over-apologizing is often a result of an ingrained belief that you’re always in the wrong, or that your actions are somehow more burdensome than others.
It’s like you’re always on the defensive, expecting to be blamed or criticized. This constant need to say sorry reflects a deep-seated fear of disapproval, which can be closely tied to low self-esteem.
The tricky part is, most of us don’t even realize we’re doing it. But once you become aware of this habit, it’s the first step towards breaking the cycle and building up your confidence.
2) Constant self-deprecation
I remember a time when I would always be the first to point out my flaws or downplay my achievements. I thought it was just my sense of humor, but looking back, I realize it was a sign of low self-esteem.
Self-deprecation can sometimes be seen as modesty or humility. But when it becomes a regular part of your conversations, it’s often an indication that you’re not valuing yourself enough. You might be doing it to beat others to the punchline, to avoid potential criticism or rejection.
I used to say things like “Oh, anyone could have done it” when praised for my work. Or I’d laugh and say “Yep, that’s just typical clumsy me” after a minor mishap.
But over time, I realized this habit was reinforcing a negative self-image. It was only after recognizing and confronting this pattern that I started on the path to boosting my self-esteem.
3) Neglecting self-care
Our body and mind are intricately connected. So when we neglect our physical health, it’s often a reflection of how we view ourselves on the inside.
In fact, research shows that depressive symptoms, including low self-esteem, can lead to poor health behaviors. This can range from skipping meals or overeating, to avoiding exercise, to having poor sleep habits.
If you find yourself consistently putting off exercise, eating unhealthy food, or not prioritizing rest, it might be a sign that your self-esteem needs a boost. Remember, taking care of your body is also a form of self-respect and self-love.
4) Avoiding compliments
Have you ever noticed how you react when someone gives you a compliment? If your immediate response is to deflect, downplay, or ignore the praise, it could be a sign of low self-esteem.
Many of us struggle to accept compliments graciously. We might feel uncomfortable or even unworthy of the praise. This often stems from an underlying belief that we’re not good enough, or that the person complimenting us doesn’t really mean it.
But remember, it’s okay to accept a compliment. It doesn’t make you arrogant or vain. Instead, it’s an acknowledgement of your skills, efforts, or attributes – and that’s something to be proud of.
5) Always seeking approval
Do you constantly seek validation from others? Do you make decisions based on what you think others will approve of, rather than what you truly want? If so, this could be an indication of low self-esteem.
The need for approval can stem from a fear of rejection or a belief that others’ opinions are more important than our own. This can lead us to live our lives trying to please others, which can be emotionally draining and unfulfilling.
Remember, everyone has their own opinions and you can’t please everyone. What’s most important is that you’re happy with the decisions you make and the path you choose to follow.
6) Struggling to say no
Setting boundaries is an essential part of maintaining healthy relationships. But for those of us with low self-esteem, saying no can feel like an uphill battle.
We worry about disappointing others, or fear that they’ll think less of us if we don’t accommodate their requests. So we agree to things, even when they’re not what we want or are detrimental to our wellbeing.
But here’s what I want you to remember: Saying no doesn’t make you a bad person. It means you’re looking out for yourself, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s okay to prioritize your needs and say no when something doesn’t align with them.
It might feel uncomfortable at first, but each time you assert yourself, you’re building your self-esteem and showing yourself the respect you deserve.
7) Overthinking past mistakes
I still recall times when I would lie awake at night, replaying past mistakes in my mind. I’d dissect every word, every decision, and every reaction, beating myself up over what I should have done differently.
This tendency to ruminate on past mistakes is a common sign of low self-esteem. It can feel as though you’re stuck in a loop, constantly reminding yourself of your perceived failures.
The truth is, everyone makes mistakes. They’re opportunities for learning and growth, not a measure of your worth. Instead of dwelling on the past, try to learn from these experiences and use them to make more informed decisions in the future. It’s a journey, and each step takes you closer to a stronger, more confident you.
8) Being overly agreeable
You might think that agreeing with others all the time would make you more likable. But surprisingly, it can often be a sign of low self-esteem.
Being overly agreeable usually means suppressing your own opinions and feelings to avoid conflict or disapproval. You might find yourself going along with things you don’t truly believe in, just to keep the peace or to fit in.
But remember, it’s okay to have differing opinions. Healthy debate can lead to growth and understanding. Your perspective is valid and important, and sharing it can actually lead to deeper, more authentic connections with others.
9) Constantly comparing yourself to others
In this age of social media, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others. You see people’s highlight reels and start to feel like everyone else is living a perfect life, while you’re struggling to keep up.
This constant comparison can be a sign of low self-esteem. It stems from a belief that you’re not enough as you are, that you need to be more like someone else to be worthy or successful.
But here’s the truth: Comparisons are rarely fair or accurate. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, their successes and struggles. Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on your own growth and progress. After all, the only person you should aim to be better than is the person you were yesterday.
10) Belittling your accomplishments
One of the most telling signs of low self-esteem is when you constantly downplay or dismiss your achievements. You might think that what you’ve done isn’t that big of a deal, or that anyone could have done it.
But here’s what you need to understand: Your accomplishments are a testament to your abilities, your hard work, and your dedication. They’re a reason to be proud, no matter how small they might seem.
When you achieve something, give yourself permission to celebrate it. Because you’ve earned it, and acknowledging your accomplishments is an important step towards building your self-esteem.
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